Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
My Teenage Daughter Was Against My Marriage to a New Man, and It Tore Our Family Apart — Story of the Day
Falling in love at 47 was something I never saw coming, especially after the heartbreak of my first marriage. Now, as I prepare to marry John, my teenage daughter, Emilia, is struggling to accept him. Balancing my love for John and my bond with Emilia, I’m faced with difficult choices and unspoken fears.
I never could have imagined that at 47, I would fall in love again, or that I would ever want a relationship after my failed first marriage, which ended 12 years ago.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
For a long time, I thought I was done with love. My ex-husband had been horrible to me. He constantly nagged, telling me I wasn’t doing enough around the house, even though I worked just as much as he did.
His words cut deep, especially when he made fun of me for gaining weight after my pregnancy. He didn’t care how hard I was trying or how much I juggled. I knew he was cheating, but I forgave him every time.
I told myself it was for the sake of our family, for our daughter. But when my then 4-year-old Emilia saw him with another woman, something broke inside me. That was the final straw. I couldn’t live like that anymore.
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The only good thing from that marriage is Emilia. She’s my everything—the best thing that ever happened to me. We’ve always been close.
For so long, it was just her and me, like a team against the world. I never thought I needed anyone else until a year ago when John came into my life.
John was different. He made me feel loved and cared for in ways I hadn’t felt in years. He treated Emilia with kindness, like she was his own daughter. Watching the two of them together gave me hope. I started to believe that maybe, just maybe, John could be the father Emilia never had.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
But everything changed after he proposed. Suddenly, Emilia wasn’t the same. She argued with John, with me, and left the house every time he came over. I didn’t understand it, and it broke my heart.
One evening, I sat in the kitchen with John, staring down at my cup of tea. I sighed, feeling the weight of everything. “I don’t know what to do,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
John looked at me, concerned. “Maybe we should start meeting at my place instead?” he suggested.
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I shook my head. “We’re getting married soon. What are we supposed to do, live apart then too?” I sighed again, feeling even more frustrated. “I don’t understand why she’s acting like this.”
John leaned back in his chair, thinking. “She’s jealous, Lucy. It’s been just you and her for so long. Now, you’ve got someone else in your life. Someone who’s taking up your time and love.”
“I guess,” I said. “But you two were fine before. She liked you.”
“That was different,” he replied calmly. “Back then, I was just your boyfriend. Now I’m going to be your husband and her stepfather. That’s a big change for her.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
I nodded slowly. “You’re right. But I still don’t know what to do.”
John reached for my hand. “Talk to her,” he said softly.
I snorted, trying to hide my nerves. “Talk to a teenage girl? That’s like walking into a fire.”
John smiled. “No, talk to your daughter. She needs you.” I leaned my head on his shoulder, wishing I had the answers.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
The next day, I knew I had to talk to Emilia. I stood outside her door for a moment before knocking. “Come in,” she said, sounding annoyed. I could almost hear her eyes rolling.
I stepped inside, feeling nervous, and sat down on the edge of her bed. She looked at me, waiting for me to speak. “I wanted to talk to you,” I said.
Emilia raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
“I know it’s probably hard for you, with John becoming part of our family,” I said, trying to meet her gaze.
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She shrugged. “It’s not hard. John’s fine.”
“Then why do you leave every time he comes over?” I asked, keeping my voice calm. “And why do you argue with him?”
“Just because,” she muttered.
I took a deep breath. “Look, just because I love John doesn’t mean I’ll love you any less. You’re my daughter, and—”
She cut me off, her voice rising. “I don’t believe that!” she shouted. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have homework.”
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Her words stung, but I stood up slowly. “Alright. But if you ever want to talk, you can always come to me. It’s still you and me against the world, remember?”
Emilia didn’t respond. I looked at her for a moment, hoping for something, but she stayed silent. With a heavy heart, I left the room.
As the wedding day got closer, Emilia’s behavior only got worse. Every decision John and I made, she had a problem with. If we liked a caterer, she’d complain about the menu.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
It wasn’t until we chose the one she recommended that the complaints stopped. Picking out my wedding dress became a two-week ordeal, and she insisted on making my bouquet herself.
I thought it was her way of staying involved, but each time she demanded something to be changed, I could feel the tension growing. She had her own dress altered seven times, and John quietly paid for each adjustment.
It wasn’t just the wedding preparations that were exhausting—it was seeing how much pain she was in. I knew she was struggling, but I didn’t know how to help. Her anger felt like a wall between us, and every day, it seemed to grow taller.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Maybe we should cancel the wedding,” I said to John one evening, my voice soft.
John looked at me, surprised. “What? Did I do something wrong?” he asked, concerned.
“No, you’re perfect,” I reassured him. “I love you, and that hasn’t changed. It’s just Emilia…”
John nodded, understanding. “This is really hard for her,” he said, confirming what I had feared all along.
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“Yes,” I admitted, finally saying the words out loud. “I thought maybe if we just kept dating, she would come around. She might accept it better if we didn’t rush.”
John took a deep breath and said, “Lucy, I’ll support you no matter what. But this is your life, not Emilia’s. In two years, she’ll be in college, living her own life.”
“I know,” I replied, my chest tightening. “But it hurts to see her struggling like this.”
John reached for my hand. “You’re not alone in this. I’m here for both of you. We’ll figure it out together. I just want to make you both happy.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
Then he paused as if considering something. “Actually, I’ve been thinking… I’d like to adopt Emilia. If she’s willing, of course. I already see her as my daughter.”
Tears filled my eyes as I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. Somewhere in the hallway, I heard a small noise, but I didn’t pay it much attention. Right now, I was focused on the love and support I had right in front of me.
The wedding day had finally come, and I felt both excited and nervous. I prayed to every god I could think of, hoping everything would go smoothly. But it seemed my prayers went unheard. Just minutes before the ceremony, my friend Kyra hurried into the room, looking worried.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“Lucy, we have a problem,” she said, her voice tense. My heart sank instantly. “Emilia hasn’t shown up yet.”
“What do you mean, she hasn’t shown up?” I asked, feeling my chest tighten.
“I don’t know,” Kyra said. “She’s not answering her phone or replying to texts.”
Panic rushed through me. I didn’t even think before I bolted out of the room to find John. When I saw him, I blurted out, “Emilia’s gone. She’s disappeared.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
John stayed calm. “Go find her,” he said with a small smile.
“But the ceremony starts in twenty minutes,” I said, unsure.
“Go,” he repeated, his voice gentle. “This wedding won’t mean anything if Emilia isn’t there.”
I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tight. In that moment, I knew—once again—that I had chosen the right man.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
I had a feeling I knew where Emilia might be. My heart raced as I drove to the old playground we used to visit when she was younger. Sure enough, when I arrived, I spotted her sitting on one of the swings, her head down, gently swaying back and forth. Relief washed over me.
“Hey,” I said as I approached her, trying to keep my voice steady.
Emilia looked up at me, her eyes red and filled with tears. “Mom? What are you doing here? Isn’t your wedding starting soon?”
I sat down on the swing next to her and shook my head. “The ceremony doesn’t matter without you,” I said.
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She wiped her eyes and asked, “How did John take it? Did he leave you?”
“No, he didn’t leave,” I assured her. “He’s the one who sent me to find you. He told me the same thing I just told you—the ceremony won’t mean anything if you’re not there.”
Emilia blinked, surprised. “Really? He said that?”
I nodded. “What’s going on, Emilia? Why are you trying to stop the wedding? I thought you liked John.”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
“It’s not that,” she muttered. “It’s… it’s just that it’s always been you and me. I thought it would always stay that way. What if he leaves us like Dad did? I couldn’t handle that again.”
Hearing her say that made my heart ache. “So that’s what this is about? You’re testing John?”
She sighed, her voice small. “Not on purpose… but maybe.”
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I reached over and took her hand. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to protect me. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect you. And trust me, John isn’t going anywhere. He loves both of us. He even told me he wants to adopt you.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I overheard you two talking about it. That’s why I’m not at the ceremony right now. What if I let him in, and then he just… leaves? I’m scared, Mom.”
I pulled her into my arms, holding her tight. “Oh, baby. I’m scared too. But love is about taking risks. We don’t know the future, but we choose love because it’s worth it.”
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She rested her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know if I’m ready…”
“I get it,” I said softly. “But no matter what, you’ll always have me. No one, not even John, can change that. You and I? We’ve been a team from the start.”
Emilia let out a small laugh. “But now John’s part of the team too…”
I smiled and squeezed her hand. “It’s easier to fight with three of us, don’t you think?”
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She nodded, smiling a little. “I guess so.”
“Do you trust me?” I asked, looking her in the eyes. She nodded.
“And I trust John. Can you trust my trust?”
After a moment, she nodded again. “Yes.”
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I stood up, holding out my hand. “Then let’s go. I’m late to my own wedding,” I said with a wink.
Emilia took my hand, standing up beside me. We shared a tight hug, knowing that no matter what, we would always have each other.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Midjourney
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