Who brings their parents to a first date? My boyfriend from a dating app did. But what really got me was the list of OUTRAGEOUS DEMANDS his parents brought with them. I knew I’d have to outwit them… but on my own terms.
When I virtually met Jacob on a dating site several months ago, we hit it off instantly. The connection felt real — the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when you see a new message notification. I grew to think that he was “the one,” but then when we actually met… well, let’s just say reality has a way of shattering our perfectly crafted illusions.
A woman holding a phone | Source: Unsplash
Three months of late-night texts and hour-long video calls had built up to this moment. Jacob wasn’t just another match; he was different.
While most guys led with cheesy pickup lines or bland “hey” messages, he had caught my attention with a detailed comment about my profile photo taken at Comic-Con.
“Is that a handmade Scarlet Witch costume?” he’d written. “The detail work is incredible!”
From there, our conversations flowed naturally. He listened, really listened, when I talked about my work as a graphic designer and my dreams of starting my own studio.
A woman using a computer | Source: Midjourney
He shared my love for true crime podcasts and could quote every episode of my favorite shows by heart. When I mentioned my sister’s battle with depression, he opened up about his own experiences with anxiety.
“I feel like I can tell you anything,” he’d said during one of our video calls, his warm brown eyes crinkling at the corners. “I’ve never connected with someone like this before.”
“Me neither,” I’d admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. “Sometimes I worry this is too good to be true.”
He’d laughed then, running a hand through his dark hair. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person. Friday at Coffee Beanz? 7 p.m.?”
A man using a laptop | Source: Pexels
“It’s a date! Finally!” I’d chirped, unable to contain my excitement.
“See you on Friday!” He said as I hung up, blushing.
I spent the entire week planning my outfit, finally settling on a gorgeous dress that my best friend Sarah insisted brought out my eyes.
“He won’t know what hit him,” she’d said, helping me style my hair.
Friday evening found me standing outside Coffee Beanz, smoothing down my dress for the hundredth time. Through the window, I could see couples enjoying their meals, soft candlelight flickering across their faces.
People in a cafe | Source: Unsplash
My hands were shaking slightly as I pushed open the heavy wooden door, the warm aroma of garlic and fresh bread enveloping me. My eyes nervously darted around in search of Jacob.
“Lia! Over here!”
I turned toward Jacob’s familiar voice, my practiced smile freezing on my face. There he sat, but not ALONE.
An older couple sat beside him, their faces beaming with smiles. My heart, which had been filled with excitement all day, sank to my stomach.
“Hey… um, hi, what’s going on?” I managed, my brain struggling to process the scene before me.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
Jacob stood up, his bright smile unchanged as if this was completely normal. “Lia, I’m so excited to finally meet you! These are my parents, Linda and Patrick!”
Linda, a petite woman with perfectly coiffed gray hair and gold earrings that probably cost more than my monthly rent, gave me a practiced smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Patrick, sporting a dress shirt that seemed a size too small for his frame, barely looked up from his menu.
“Sit down, girl,” Linda patted the chair next to her, not next to Jacob. “While we wait for our appetizers, I have a few questions for you.”
An older lady smiling | Source: Midjourney
I sank into the chair, still trying to make sense of this ambush. The waiter appeared with water glasses, and I found myself wishing it was something stronger.
That’s when Linda pulled out a crisp sheet of paper from her designer handbag.
“Now then,” she cleared her throat, clicking her gold-plated pen. “I’ve prepared a brief questionnaire to help us get to know you better. I want you to fill it out.”
Sheets of paper on a table | Source: Pexels
My eyes scanned the paper she placed before me, each question worse than the last:
1. What is your current annual income and five-year career projection?
2. Please list any medical conditions, including a family history of genetic disorders.
3. How many romantic partners have you had, and what were the reasons for those relationships ending?
4. Do you own or lease your vehicle? What is your credit score?
5. Are you willing to sign a prenuptial agreement?
6. Do you plan to work after having children? If so, who will provide childcare?
7. What is your stance on living with in-laws?
8. Are you willing to host special occasions like Thanksgiving & Christmas every year without expecting a penny from your partner?
A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels
The questions went on and on like a never-ending train carriage. My water glass stopped halfway to my mouth. “I’m sorry, but is this for real?”
“Of course it is, dear,” Linda replied, her tone suggesting I was being deliberately difficult. “Our family has certain standards to maintain. We need to ensure any potential partners for our Jacob are… suitable.”
My eyes darted to Jacob, waiting for him to jump in, to say this was all a joke. But he just sat there, examining his napkin as if it held the secrets of the universe.
A man sitting casually | Source: Midjourney
Something snapped inside me. Three months of building this connection, sharing hopes and fears, only to be treated like a job applicant? No. This called for a different approach.
“Would you excuse me for just a moment?” I smiled sweetly. “Ladies’ room.”
Instead of heading to the restroom, I ducked into the convenience store next door. Five minutes later, I returned with my own notebook and pen.
“Before I answer your questions,” I said, sitting down with renewed confidence, “I have a few of my own.”
A woman holding a piece of paper | Source: Pexels
Linda’s perfectly plucked eyebrows shot up in surprise as I placed the paper with my questions on the table. She picked it up and began reading loudly, her face speaking volumes of her anger.
“Question one: At what point did you realize your son wasn’t capable of choosing his own partner?”
Patricks’s face reddened. Jacob finally looked up from his napkin.
“Question two: How many women have actually completed your interrogation process? Or do most run screaming before the credit check?”
“This is completely inappropriate!” Linda’s voice pitched higher as she continued to read.
A furious older woman with a man | Source: Midjourney
“Question three: Do you also inspect their teeth like show horses, or is that saved for the second date?”
“Question four: When Jacob moves out of your basement, will you be requiring his future wife to submit weekly progress reports?”
“Question five: Have you considered therapy for your control issues, or is that too personal a question?”
“That’s enough!” Jacob slammed his hand on the table, making the silverware jump. “You have no right to disrespect my family like this!”
An angry man | Source: Midjourney
I leaned back, crossing my arms. “Oh, but they have every right to treat me like I’m applying for a position at the FBI?”
“My parents are just looking out for me,” he protested, his voice weak. “They want what’s best— “
“No, Jacob. What’s best for you would be growing a backbone and living your own life.”
Linda and Patrick were already gathering their things, faces flushed with indignation. Linda’s hands shook as she stuffed her questionnaire back into her bag.
“We’re leaving,” she announced. “Jacob, come on. She’s not the one for you.”
“Wait!” I called out, loud enough for nearby tables to turn. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Side shot of a woman | Source: Midjourney
They paused. “WHAT??”
“Waiter, these people are trying to leave without paying their bill!” I announced loudly, waving to the waiter. “Guess running out on checks is another proud family tradition!”
The restaurant had gone quiet. Linda’s hands shook as she pulled out her credit card, practically throwing it at the waiter. I stood up, smoothing my dress once again.
“Well, this has been entertaining. I’ll cover my water.” I placed a five-dollar bill on the table and turned to Jacob.
“Good luck finding someone who meets your family’s rigorous standards. Although, you might want to try job recruitment sites instead of dating apps. I hear they provide detailed background checks and references.”
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
As I walked out into the cool evening air, my phone buzzed with a message from Jacob, “You didn’t have to be so cruel. My parents were just looking out for me.”
I typed back, “Just looking out for myself, mama’s boy. Goodbye!”
Later that night, Sarah called to hear about the date. After I finished telling her everything, she was quiet for a moment.
“You know what?” she finally said. “I bet Linda has a spreadsheet ranking all of Jacob’s potential wives.”
We both burst out laughing, and I felt the last of my disappointment melt away. Dodged a bullet? Absolutely. And I’ve never been so grateful for a red flag wrapped in a questionnaire.
A woman walking away | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
“You Won’t Believe How This Actor Scared Women Off-Screen!
Vincent D’Onofrio is best known for his memorable role as the clumsy Marine recruit in Stanley Kubrick’s movie Full Metal Jacket. However, his popularity decreased after that.
The ruggedly handsome actor, who turned 64 on June 30, 2023, had to change his appearance drastically for the role. This change made women, who once loved his curly dark hair and athletic build, less interested in him.
D’Onofrio has a long and varied career. He always gives his best to every role, transforming completely into his characters, making people forget who he really is.
Born in Brooklyn, D’Onofrio started in stage productions, both off-Broadway and on. He had many side jobs to support his acting dreams, including working as a bodyguard for Yul Brynner and Robert Plant.
In his early days, he worked as a nightclub bouncer, delivered flowers, hung drapes, and drove a cab to make ends meet.
After acting in a few low-budget films, his friend Matthew Modine suggested he send an audition tape to Stanley Kubrick, who was casting for his next big movie.
The 6-foot-3 D’Onofrio, who was very fit at the time, won the role of Leonard, a fat, dim-witted character, but had to meet some tough conditions.
Working with Kubrick was a life-changing experience for D’Onofrio, allowing him to fully dive into his character and push his acting limits in a challenging environment.
At 24, D’Onofrio had to shave his head and gain 70 to 80 pounds for the role, the most weight any actor has gained for a role.
Kubrick initially asked if he was okay with gaining weight, and after D’Onofrio gained 30 pounds, Kubrick felt he still looked too strong. So, D’Onofrio ended up gaining about 80 pounds, going from 200 to 280 pounds.
Gaining weight for the role was tough for D’Onofrio, especially when he had to perform the intense boot-camp scenes in the movie. Normally, obstacle courses would have been easy for him with his athletic build, but they were very challenging at 280 pounds.
D’Onofrio’s incredible performance as the chubby, dim-witted, and mentally disturbed Leonard earned him a lot of praise from critics. However, some fans started confusing him with his character.
“People treat you differently when you’re that size,” D’Onofrio said. “My head was shaved, so I looked completely different from my usual long, lanky self. I turned into this big, burly guy with a bald head. It was a very strange life change.”
He added, “It changed my life. Women didn’t look at me anymore; I mostly saw their backs as they ran away. People even talked to me slowly, thinking I was stupid.”
A year after filming Full Metal Jacket, Vincent D’Onofrio had a full head of hair again and his body returned to its original size.
Today, the New York-born director, producer, screenwriter, and actor, who wrote the 2023 book “Pigs Can’t Look Up,” credits his long career to Stanley Kubrick.
“Stanley made my career, there’s no question about that. I’ve done over 50 films because of him and that part,” D’Onofrio said. He has had many roles in both film and TV, including Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001-2011) and Marvel’s Daredevil (2015-2018). His movies include Dying Young, The Break-Up, and Jurassic World.
D’Onofrio’s life was greatly impacted by his parents’ divorce when he was a child. His mother remarried George Meyer, a well-known American producer and writer, and the family moved to Hialeah, Florida. As a child, D’Onofrio was quiet and often spent time alone in his room, deep in thought.
While living in Florida, he became interested in magic and learned sleight of hand from Cuban performers who ran a small magic store.
In the early 1990s, Vincent D’Onofrio was romantically involved with actress Greta Scacchi. They appeared together in several films, including The Player and Fires Within. They have a daughter named Leila George, born around 1991 or 1992, who has also become an actress.
In 1997, Vincent D’Onofrio married Carin van der Donk, a Dutch model. They had their first son in 1999. However, their relationship had problems in the early 2000s, leading to a separation. They later got back together and had a second son in 2008.
In June 2023, D’Onofrio filed for divorce in Manhattan Supreme Court, ending his 26-year marriage with Carin van der Donk.
D’Onofrio appeared with Sandra Bullock in the 2021 film The Unforgivable and will be in the upcoming comedy Dumb Money.
Vincent D’Onofrio was fantastic in Full Metal Jacket and his mental decline as Leonard is incredibly believable!
He looks totally different now, as to be expected many decades later, but we still enjoy his performances!
What do you think about his portrayal of the dumb, fat Leonard?
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