Laughter truly is the best medicine, and who doesn’t love a good joke to brighten their day? From kids and animals to life’s quirky moments, these 12 jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone.
Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or a laugh-out-loud moment, we’ve got you covered. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a collection of humor that’s as diverse as it is hilarious.
Friends laughing at something on a cell phone | Source: Pexels
The Parrot and the Burglar
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house. As he tiptoed through the living room, a booming voice stopped him in his tracks: “Jesus is watching you!”
Terrified, he froze, but when silence returned, he crept forward again.
The voice echoed once more, “Jesus is watching you!”
Panicking, the burglar scanned the room and spotted a parrot in a cage.
“Was that you?” he asked.
A burglar holding his hands against his head | Source: Pexels
“Yes,” the parrot replied.
Relieved, the burglar asked, “What’s your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“Moses? That’s a dumb name for a parrot. What idiot named you that?”
A parrot in a birdcage | Source: Pexels
The parrot squawked, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”
Moses’ quick wit is just the start of this laughter-filled journey. As we turn the page to the next joke, prepare for a story that combines a bit of mystery with a generous dose of hilarity. Hold onto your sides as we dive into this playful tale by the cemetery.
The Nutty Cemetery Mix-Up
Two boys were sitting behind a nut tree near a cemetery fence, dividing a bucket of nuts. The bucket was so full that some nuts fell out and rolled away, ending up near the fence. The boys ignored them for now and continued dividing the nuts in the bucket.
Nuts lying on grass | Source: Pexels
“One for you, one for me,” they chanted.
A third boy cycling by heard the voices and thought, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing souls!” Terrified, he rushed to an old man further down the road. After much persuasion, the old man hobbled over with him to see what the boy was talking about.
Peering through the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me…”
Trembling, the old man whispered, “This is real!”
A shocked elderly man peering through a fence | Source: Midjourney
But just as they braced themselves, the boys finished dividing the nuts and said, “Now let’s fetch the ones by the fence.”
The old man reportedly made it back to town five minutes before the boy.
Those mischievous boys by the cemetery certainly knew how to spark some laughs. But now, let’s shift gears to a family situation with a humorous twist. This next joke shows just how creative (or not) some relatives can be when left in charge.
The Twin Naming Fiasco
A man attending a conference overseas got the news that his wife had given birth to twins. Excited, he called her and asked, “Who took you to the hospital?”
A happy man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Your brother, Joe,” she replied. “And since I was under anesthesia, he also named the babies.”
Horrified, the husband exclaimed, “Joe’s a moron! What did he name them?”
“Well, we have a girl and a boy. He named the girl Deniece.”
“That’s not so bad. What about the boy?”
A thoughtful man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Pexels
“Joe called him De-nephew.”
Joe’s naming antics were nothing short of entertaining, weren’t they? But hold on, because this next tale introduces a farmer who takes communication to a whole new level. Get ready to laugh as a lawyer struggles to decode a farmer’s quirky requests.
The Farmer’s Divorce Dilemma
A farmer walked into a lawyer’s office and said, “I want a day-vorce.”
A farmer standing in a lawyer’s office | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer asked, “What grounds do you have?”
“About 140 acres,” the farmer replied.
Exasperated, the lawyer asked, “Do you have a grudge?”
“Sure do—that’s where I park my tractor.”
Finally, the lawyer shouted, “Why do you want a divorce?”
A lawyer leaning on his desk, looking frustrated | Source: Pexels
The farmer sighed, “I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”
The farmer’s take on communication left us in stitches, but the humor doesn’t stop there. This time, we’re jumping into the world of a frog with an unusual destiny. Get ready for a ribbit-ing prediction that’s bound to crack you up.
The Frog’s Unfortunate Prediction
A frog called a psychic hotline.
A frog on a table | Source: Pexels
He was thrilled when the psychic told him, “In the next month, you’ll meet a beautiful young woman. She’s going to be fascinated by you and want to know everything about you.”
“Where will I meet her?” the frog asked eagerly. “Will we be at a party? Or, maybe she’ll be strolling past my home?”
The psychic replied, “None of those. You’ll meet her in her biology class next semester.”
A woman speaking into a headset microphone | Source: Pexels
Just when you thought things couldn’t get more unexpected, we’ve got a wartime confession that’s equal parts surprising and amusing. This joke reveals how even serious situations can take a turn for the hilariously awkward. Let’s dive in.
The Never-Ending War
A man in Amsterdam confessed to his priest, “During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.”
“That’s not a sin,” the priest reassured him. “You helped someone in need.”
A priest listening to a confession | Source: Pexels
“But I charged him 20 Gulden a week,” the man added.
“That wasn’t good, but you still saved his life,” said the priest.
The man lets out a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that. But tell me, Father, do I have to tell him the war’s over?” asked the man.
A man confessing his sins to a priest | Source: Pexels
That moral dilemma from WWII had quite the twist, didn’t it? Now, let’s step into the workplace for a story of pure comedic misfortune. Brace yourself for a laugh-out-loud moment that could only happen to someone truly unlucky.
The Iron Phone Incident
Mark showed up to work with two red, sore ears.
His coworker asked, “What happened?”
A man working on a construction site glancing to one side | Source: Pexels
Mark explained, “I was ironing while watching TV. When the phone rang, I picked up the iron instead.”
“And the other ear?”
“The guy called back.”
Mark’s phonecall mishap had us in tears, but this next one takes us to a fast-food joint where sharing gets a hilarious spin. Get ready for a tale of an elderly couple who redefine the concept of “togetherness” in the quirkiest way possible.
Sharing is Caring
An elderly couple walked into a fast-food restaurant and ordered one burger and a small order of fries. As they sat down, they carefully split everything: the burger, the fries, even the drink.
A burger and fries on a table | Source: Pexels
A trucker watching nearby felt sorry for them and offered to buy the wife her own meal.
The husband politely declined, saying, “Oh, no, thank you. We share everything.”
A few minutes later, the trucker noticed that while the husband was eating, the wife hadn’t touched a bite.
Concerned, he asked, “Why aren’t you eating?”
A trucker seated in a fast-food restaurant | Source: Midjourney
The wife replied sharply, “Because I’m waiting for the teeth!”
From fast-food hilarity to a nocturnal adventure, this next joke is a real screamer—or should we say squeaker? Join us as we enter the world of bats with a twist that’s both dark and uproarious.
The Blind Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave covered in blood, only to be hounded by others asking where he got the blood.
Bats hanging in a cave | Source: Pexels
Finally, he led them through a forest and pointed to a tree.
“Do you see that tree?” he asked.
“YES!” they screamed.
“Good,” he said, “because I didn’t!”
That bat’s nocturnal adventure was one for the books, but now it’s time for a lighter laugh. This next joke involves flowers, sympathy, and a classic case of mixed messages that’ll leave you grinning.
The Florist’s Card Mix-Up
A store owner was thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on the opening day of his new business.
A bouquet with a card | Source: Pexels
However, his excitement turned to confusion when he read the card attached: “Deepest Sympathy.”
Puzzled, the man called the florist to report the mistake. The florist apologized profusely and said, “I’m so sorry about that! Your card must have been sent to the funeral home instead.”
The store owner asked, “What did that card say?”
A man holding a note while making a phone call | Source: Pexels
The florist replied, “‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Florists may have their missteps, but wait until you hear about this lawyer with a name that’s as clever as his joke. This next tale is all about wordplay and a fitting tribute with a punchline to match.
The Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange ordered a tombstone inscribed, “Here lies an honest man and a lawyer.”
The stonecutter refused, saying, “It’s illegal to bury two people in one grave. But I can write, ‘Here lies an honest lawyer.'”
A man ordering a tombstone | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer protested, “How will people know it’s me?”
The stonecutter replied, “Easy. They’ll read it and say, ‘That’s Strange!'”
We’ve had clever wordplay and hilarious mix-ups, but now it’s time to finish strong with a tale of extreme conditions and an unexpected celebration. Buckle up for this finale that’s sure to leave you laughing out loud.
The Farmer in Hell
A farmer from Texas found himself in hell after he passed away. The Devil was surprised to find the farmer unfazed and smiling in the heat.
A farmer relaxing in Hell | Source: Midjourney
“Why are you so happy?” asked the Devil.
The farmer replied, “This feels just like a hot June day back home when I’m plowing my fields.”
Annoyed, the Devil increased the heat to 105 degrees with stifling humidity. Yet the farmer continued to smile no matter how high the Devil cranked up the heat.
Finally, the Devil decided to freeze hell over, setting the temperature to a bone-chilling -10 degrees.
Frozen lava | Source: Midjourney
To the Devil’s surprise, the farmer began running around and shouting with joy.
“What are you so happy about now?” the Devil demanded.
The farmer shouted, “The Cowboys must’ve won the Super Bowl!”
Whether it’s a parrot outsmarting a burglar or a farmer making the Devil sweat, these stories are sure to brighten your day.
Two women laughing together | Source: Pexels
So, share them with friends, family, or coworkers, and keep the laughter going. After all, life’s too short not to laugh out loud!
Keep the laughs coming with these jokes about bars, jobs, and quirky animals.
Our House Was Egged on Christmas — I Was Flabbergasted When I Found Out Who Did It
When Ellie’s family returns from their Christmas getaway, they’re shocked to find their house egged and a cryptic note left behind. Determined to uncover the culprit, Ellie checks the security footage, only to discover the vandal is someone very close to her. Confronting the person reveals years of hurt and manipulation that nearly tears their bond apart. Can Ellie handle it?
Christmas has always been about family. That’s why, for the last four years, my husband Ethan, our seven-year-old daughter Maddie, our five-year-old son Noah, and I had made it a tradition to escape to the islands.
Just the four of us, basking in the sun, recharging before the whirlwind of holiday dinners and social obligations hit.
Two children at the beach | Source: Midjourney
And this year was no different. Or so I thought.
When we pulled into our driveway after the trip, I froze.
Our house looked like a crime scene.
Raw eggs dripped from the walls in sticky streams, the porch was littered with broken shells, and even the holiday wreath I’d lovingly crafted was a splattered, smelly mess.
A house covered in eggs | Source: AmoMama
“What the hell?” Ethan muttered, stepping out of the car, Noah on his heels.
“Mom, what happened?” Maddie asked from the backseat.
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” I said, feeling a knot tighten in my chest.
Noah crouched beside the mess.
A little girl sitting in a car | Source: Midjourney
“Could a bird do this, Dad?” he asked.
I tried to keep calm for the kids, but inside, I was fuming.
Who would do this?
We were good neighbors — no, we were great neighbors! I baked cookies for new families, helped organize block parties, and I never turned down a chance to lend a hand.
This wasn’t random vandalism. It was targeted. It had to be.
A plate of cookies | Source: Midjourney
Then Ethan found the note. It was stuffed under the doorframe, the edges crumpled and damp. He handed it to me.
This is for what you took from me before Christmas.
I stared at the words, my mind racing.
What had I taken? And from whom?
That night, after putting the kids to bed, Ethan and I went straight to the security cameras. As we scrolled through the footage, my stomach churned.
A piece of paper on the floor | Source: Midjourney
The camera captured a hooded figure sneaking up our driveway, cartons of eggs in hand. Each throw was deliberate, as though they’d rehearsed the motion. This wasn’t a prank; it was a vendetta.
“This is insane,” Ethan said. “Who even does this anymore? This is a drunken prank for rowdy teens. Eggs and toilet paper.”
Then, something about the figure made me freeze. The way they tilted their head. The way their shoulders slumped between throws. My breath caught in my throat.
A person holding a carton of eggs | Source: Midjourney
“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. “It can’t be.”
But it was.
The hooded figure vandalizing our home was my mother.
The next morning, I left Ethan with the kids and drove to my mom’s house. My hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly I thought I might snap it in two.
A woman in a car | Source: Midjourney
When I rang the bell, she opened the door with her usual warm smile.
“Ellie! What a surprise!”
“Why?” I blurted, skipping the pleasantries. “Just explain why.”
Her smile faltered.
“Why what? Explain what?” she asked.
A woman standing in a doorway | Source: Midjourney
“Why would you do that to us? Don’t even try to hide it, Mom. Come on!”
She blinked, her face going pale as she tried to figure out what to say. Then, she looked away, her expression clouded with guilt.
“Come sit down, El,” she said.
“I don’t want to sit down, Mom. I want to know why you took it upon yourself to mess up my house.”
A woman standing in a living room | Source: Midjourney
“It was because of your mother-in-law,” she said finally, her voice tight.
“What does Gloria have to do with it?” I asked.
“She called me, Eleanor,” my mother snapped, anger seeping into her voice. “Right before Christmas, she called to gloat about how you and Ethan were taking her on your precious island vacation. She said you made her feel so included, so special. And that she got quality time with the kids. And me? Oh, I was just left here to sit alone in the cold.”
An older woman at the beach | Source: Midjourney
I stared at her, completely stunned.
“Mom,” I said softly. “We didn’t take Gloria with us. That’s not true at all. She wasn’t on the trip, I promise!”
My mom’s eyes widened.
“But then… why would she say that?”
“To hurt you,” I said, my voice soft but firm. “To make you feel exactly this way. To drive a wedge between us. Why would I take Gloria and not my own mother?”
An upset woman | Source: Midjourney
She sank onto the couch, covering her face with her hands.
“I was so angry, Ellie. I felt invisible, like I didn’t matter to you anymore. And I… I lost control.”
Her words cut deep because they weren’t entirely wrong.
A woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
If I’m being completely honest, the truth was that I had let my mom drift to the edges of our lives. I adored her, of course, but between raising two young kids, managing a full-time job, and keeping up with everything else, I hadn’t noticed how isolated she’d become.
Looking back, the signs were there. The hesitation in her voice during phone calls, the way she’d stopped dropping by unannounced, usually with baked treats for us all.
I’d let my schedule get away with me. And I hadn’t thought about the consequences.
A woman working at her laptop | Source: Midjourney
“Mom,” I said gently, sitting beside her. “What you did was wrong. But I understand why you felt hurt. And I’m sorry if I made you feel left out. I’ve let life get away with me, Momma. It’s been a challenge, juggling work and the kids.”
Her face crumpled.
“I’m so sorry, Ellie,” she said. “I’ll fix everything! I promise! I’ll pay for the cleaning, and I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
A crying older woman | Source: Midjourney
“We’ll clean it up, Mom,” I interrupted. “Together. But it starts with us fixing us. No more games. No more letting other people’s words twist how we feel. Okay?”
She nodded, her relief palpable. We hugged, and for the first time in years, it felt like the walls between us were finally coming down.
That afternoon, Mom came over with a bucket of soapy water and a stack of rags. Together, we scrubbed the egg off the walls, the porch, and the windows.
A bucket of soapy water | Source: Midjourney
It was messy, smelly, exhausting work, but somehow, with each streak we wiped away, it felt like we were wiping away years of tension too.
By the time we finished, the house looked — and felt — whole again.
That night, after Ethan and I made grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids and put them to bed, we sat down to talk with a glass of wine.
Grilled cheese sandwiches | Source: Midjourney
“Babe, it was your mom that started this whole thing. Gloria called my mom and told her that she was on vacation with us and was having the time of her life. She made it seem so real that my mom broke.”
“You’re kidding, El,” Ethan said, shaking his head. “She really did that? What on earth was she thinking?”
“I have no idea, but I think you need to talk to her. I need to focus on my mom, honey. She’s been feeling abandoned for years, and this was just her breaking point. I’m sorry, but Gloria is on you.”
A man sitting on a couch | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll call her,” Ethan said, his voice firm. “She’ll have no choice but to tell me the truth.”
Ethan went into our bedroom and called his mother, while I called my mom again.
“Mom, why don’t you come over to celebrate New Year’s Eve with us? We’re just going to be at home, okay? Let’s just eat and drink and have a good time!”
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
There was a pause on the other end of the line. Then her voice brightened in a way I hadn’t heard in a long time.
“You really mean that?” she asked.
“I do, Mom,” I said. “It’s time.”
On New Year’s Eve, Mom arrived with a tray of homemade dumplings, a chocolate cake, and lamingtons for the kids. She was wearing a sparkling dress that made her look about ten years younger.
A platter of lamingtons | Source: Midjourney
Maddie and Noah rushed to greet her at the door, clinging to her legs as she fussed over them. Ethan handed her a glass of champagne and even managed to make her laugh with one of his notoriously terrible jokes.
At midnight, as the fireworks lit up the sky outside, we raised our glasses together.
“Cheers to new beginnings,” my mom said softly.
Fireworks in the night sky | Source: Midjourney
I looked around the room — at my kids’ happy, sleepy faces, my husband’s arm draped around my shoulders, and my mother, glowing with joy. Something shifted.
A week later, Ethan and I sat down with Gloria at a coffee shop.
“Mom, explain yourself,” Ethan said, adding sugar to his coffee. “And don’t deny anything. Be honest.”
A woman sitting in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“I lied to your mother because I was hurt that you guys didn’t invite us. I don’t know why I did it, but I did. I think I felt overcome with loneliness too. You know how the holidays can creep up on widows…”
“Why didn’t you just go over and spend time with her?” I asked, taking a bite of my croissant. “You were both lonely. You could have spent time together and enjoyed the holidays getting to know each other better. You could have watched movies and baked and talked until the early hours of the morning.”
A croissant and coffee at a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“I wasn’t thinking, Ellie,” she said, her voice breaking. “I would take it all back in a heartbeat if I could, I promise you that.”
We were all silent for a while.
“So, now what?” Ethan asked.
“I’m going to phone Irene and make things right. I’m going to plan a tea party with her and make this better. We’ll fix it. Just you see.”
A tea party setting | Source: Midjourney
“I hope so, Gloria,” I said. “Because we can’t have the kids torn between their grandmothers. I’m not going to allow that.”
“As you should!” she exclaimed. “I wouldn’t allow it either. I’ll fix it, Ellie. Don’t you worry about that, love.”
In the end, we left our mothers to themselves, and slowly but surely, they did fix their relationship. Now, they are mahjong buddies who bake something new every weekend.
And for the record, I can’t stand eggs anymore.
A carton of eggs on a counter | Source: Midjourney
What would you have done?
If you’ve enjoyed this story, here’s another one for you:
When Sarah gets home from the usual errands with her kids, the last thing she expects is to hear her husband spilling his true feelings about her — that she is just a means to an end in his life. But Sarah isn’t about to let Ethan get away with his callous behavior. Instead, she decides to teach him a lesson.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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