A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My grandson kicked me out of his wedding because of my ‘dress’. Karma hit back 5 minutes later.
The day of my grandson Justin’s wedding was one I had been looking forward to for months. I had meticulously chosen a dress that was elegant yet flattering, showcasing the results of a lifetime dedication to fitness. As a 72-year-old who still actively participates in sports, I was proud of my figure and wanted to feel glamorous for this special occasion.
However, as soon as I arrived at the venue, Justin’s face twisted in disapproval. He approached me, his tone harsh and his words cutting deep. “Grandma, what are you wearing? This is embarrassing for our family. You need to go home and change.”
My heart sank. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was it so wrong for me to want to look feminine and feel beautiful at my grandson’s wedding? I had no intention of leaving or changing my dress, but Justin’s attitude made it clear I wasn’t welcome unless I complied. With a heavy heart, I decided I wouldn’t stay where I wasn’t appreciated. I informed him that not only would I not be returning today, but if he ever invited me to another event, I would wear the same dress.
The Unraveling
Just as I was grabbing my jacket, ready to walk out and never look back, my son – Justin’s father – rushed over to me, his face pale with urgency. “Mom, wait! You won’t believe what just happened. Justin, he…”
The words hung in the air as he struggled to catch his breath. Curiosity and concern made me pause. What could possibly have happened in the few moments since Justin humiliated me?
A Sudden Twist
We hurried back towards the main hall, where a scene of chaos had unfolded. Guests were murmuring, eyes wide with shock, and the air was thick with tension. As we pushed through the crowd, I saw Justin at the center of it all, looking pale and distressed.
It turned out that just moments after our confrontation, Justin’s bride, Emma, had called off the wedding. She had overheard his harsh words to me and decided that if he could treat his own grandmother with such disrespect, he wasn’t the man she wanted to marry. Emma’s decision sent shockwaves through the gathering, leaving Justin to face the immediate consequences of his actions.
The Lesson
Standing there amidst the stunned crowd, I felt a mix of emotions. Justin’s embarrassment was palpable, but there was also a sense of justice in the air. His behavior had consequences, and Emma’s bold decision had highlighted the importance of respect and kindness, values that should never be compromised.
Justin’s wedding day didn’t end as planned, this shook my grandson well. But perhaps it was a necessary wake-up call. As for me, I walked away with my head held high, confident in the knowledge that staying true to oneself and standing up for one’s dignity is always the right choice.
Leave a Reply