I’ve always been a patient person. I got to practice my patience when my father remarried following my mom’s death. So, when my in-laws tried to get me to break up with my husband before we could get married, I just used what I had learned earlier in life to withstand their onslaught.
You know, sometimes trying to find your place in someone else’s family can be really tricky. At least, it was for me when I met my husband’s family. See, I’m originally from Morocco, while my husband, Jeremy, was raised by an extremely conservative family from Georgia. That should be enough to give you an idea of what I faced.
Man and woman on a date | Source: Getty Images
I immigrated to the US shortly after my mother passed away. I was 11 at the time, and it felt like my entire world was coming to an end. To add to this, my dad married a new woman only a little over a year after Mom’s death. Naturally, adjusting to life in a new country and coming to terms that there was a new woman in my mom’s place was jarring.
My stepmom wasn’t a bad person, but we never got along. I think she felt insecure about the fact that she could never have kids, so she would often be mean and distant toward my sister and me. She used to try to upset us all the time by doing petty things that she knew would make us uncomfortable, but luckily my mom had taught me to always smile when people were intentionally being mean to me.
A young girl in an airplane | Source: Getty Images
This turned out to be a great defense mechanism, and my stepmom couldn’t bear that her tricks weren’t working on me. Eventually, things died down and we made our peace, but I would never forget how effective it was to just smile through whatever petty new ploy she had devised to try and upset me. It truly was one of the greatest gifts my mom had ever given me.
But my stepmom was a minor hindrance compared to Jeremy’s family. When I met them for the first time, I knew I was in for a lengthy cold war.
A woman yelling at a young girl | Source: Getty Images
I met Leona, Jeremy’s mom, and the rest of the Fergus family at one of their family dinners. By that time, I had been dating Jeremy for almost a year, and they had used every excuse to avoid inviting me to their dinners. This time, Jeremy ensured that they couldn’t weasel out of meeting me, and he even told his mom to prepare a few dishes that I could eat, since I steer clear of any pork and alcohol.
While my loving boyfriend was sure there would be something for me, I knew better than to just blindly trust people who clearly had misgivings about me to respect my personal choices, so I ate as I would before a fast and prepared myself for sitting around the dinner table while everyone enjoyed their meal.
A large dinner table with people sitting around it | Source: Getty Images
When we showed up at Jeremy’s parents’ house, the family greeted me with half-hearted smiles and quick hugs before we all settled down to eat. I knew the greetings would be awkward and stiff, but what I didn’t anticipate was Leona bringing a peppy blonde woman up to me with a huge smile and saying, “Oh, Aleah, you just have to meet Diane, Jeremy’s last girlfriend. We’re all still very close and I thought you two might hit it off.”
Diane looked slightly embarrassed, and shook my hand with a smile that seemed to say, “I’m sorry, I know, but what could I do?” I introduced myself and we exchanged a few pleasantries before she greeted Jeremy with a huge hug. She immediately launched into a conversation with him about what was going on in his life, ignoring me completely. Jeremy answered a few questions, grabbed my hand, and steered me to our seats.
A woman shaking another woman’s hand | Source: Getty Images
At the table, things just got worse. Leona opened all the dishes, and every single thing had pork in it. The mac and cheese had bacon bits in, the mashed potatoes had lard in, and even the turkey was wrapped in bacon. After unveiling all the food, Jeremy’s mom looked at me, apologized for all the pork, and offered me a drink. “I don’t drink, but I’ll gladly take a glass of water,” I said with a smile. Slightly crestfallen, Leona got up to get me one.
During the meal, the entire family kept making off-handed, passive-aggressive, and slightly racist comments clearly directed toward me. Meanwhile, Diane was showered with compliments. You’d expect she was royalty with how the family sucked up to her. But I knew exactly how to handle the situation.
A woman enjoying a glass of water | Source: Getty Images
Instead of letting my annoyance show, I once again employed my mom’s wisdom. I smiled at every so-called joke, and even threw a few of my own compliments at Diane. I told Leona how lovely the spread looked, and thanked her profusely when she went to refill my cup of water. I could see Jeremy’s mom seething at my pleasant demeanor.
The night ended and we said our goodbyes. I refrained from complaining to Jeremy about his family. I could handle it. But things didn’t get better from there. Family dinners were suddenly off-limits to anyone who wasn’t also a Fergus — although Diane was apparently an exception — so I would often spend Christmas on my own or with my sister. They never drove a wedge between myself and Jeremy, and imagine their shock when he eventually proposed.
Two sisters celebrating Christmas together | Source: Getty Images
Now, Leona and the rest of the family never bothered to learn anything about my culture. They assumed the wedding would be a regular ceremony, but Jeremy and I had planned on blending traditions. So when all the women, Diane included, showed up wearing white, I was all smiles, complimenting their outfits all the way. This didn’t go down well.
Meanwhile, my outfits were made up of every color imaginable, and I outshone them in every photo. There’s even one picture of Leona with the biggest sour expression I had ever seen. It was a wonderful day.
A traditional wedding dress | Source: Getty Images
But the unspoken feud came to a head last Christmas when Leona suggested I host. Naturally, I accepted, even though I knew she only offered because she hoped I would be overwhelmed. Fortunately, she didn’t count on the fact that I often cooked, and had been since I was a young girl. So my spread was something to marvel at.
Mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, turkey, glazed ham, Brussels sprouts, green bean casserole, roasted carrots, and potatoes, freshly baked bread, corn bread, and an entire assortment of pies. Even I was impressed. But of course, with her plan in ruins, Leona did the next best thing. She started shouting at me.
A big dinner | Source: Getty Images
“You’ve got to be kidding me! How could you of all people have managed this?! I know you hired a catering company, Aleah! Just to make me look bad. Admit it!”
Surprised at her outright anger, I looked at her, then at Jeremy. Luckily he stepped in.
“Mom, Aleah slaved away for two days to make sure we had a great Christmas dinner. I don’t think you acting like this is very mature or fair. She has been nothing but a good host, and you accuse her of being petty, like a child who had hoped to one-up someone. I think you owe her an apology, or you should leave.”
There was a long pause. Everyone wondered what would happen next, plates in hand.
A woman cooking dinner | Source: Getty Images
Leona took a deep breath and looked at me. “You won,” she muttered and sat down dejectedly. Before Jeremy could say another word, I walked over to my mother-in-law, got on my knees before her, and took her hands in mine. “Leona, this isn’t a competition. I love your son deeply and I don’t want this cold war between us.”
She looked at me with new-found respect, and I could see the hatchet was buried. The war between us ended with a big hug and a great dinner, and although we still differ about things, we have grown quite fond of each other over the last few months.
‘Outdated, punishing rules’ – Mom fights for son, 8, to keep his long hair despite schools rejecting him
We can all connect to school regulations, even though our recollections of school can be both happy and sad. It’s a turbulent time filled with highs and lows.
While some regulations, such as prohibiting jewelry during sporting events, make sense, it seems wasteful of resources and misses educational opportunities for the children engaged to send someone home with excessive makeup or because they brought in a particular soda.
Schools’ stringent policies on children’s appearance frequently conflict with the moments in their lives when they desire to stand out and express themselves.
These regulations may have gone too far for one mother and her kid and may have prevented an 8-year-old boy from receiving a quality education.
Model scouts are drawn to Farouk James of London, England, because of his gorgeous head of hair. He’s done photo sessions in Italy and New York and is currently employed as a child model.
However, his look has only caused problems for him in the classroom; because of the length of his hair, he has been turned down by several schools.
James’s mother, Bonnie Miller, claims that she was informed that her older brother’s hair was too short while he was in school.
According to Bonnie, Farouk’s father is from Ghana, and his parents didn’t cut his hair until he was three years old due to cultural customs.
Bonnie told CBS News, “At that point, he was attached— and so was I, to be honest— with his beautiful hair.” “We only retained the hair.”
The family resides in the UK, where the majority of schools have a regulation prohibiting boys from having long hair, even if girls are permitted to.
According to Bonnie, it is against children’s human rights to have them cut their hair.
His mother Bonnie posted on Instagram, saying, “I will not give up trying to persuade governments to put legislation in place to protect children from these outdated, punishing rules.”
“You reject Farok even though he hasn’t done anything wrong! When his friends are all admitted to the universities he so much wants to attend, he will have to say goodbye to them.
Bonnie even created a Change.org petition to outlaw hair prejudice in the United Kingdom as a result of this circumstance.
Bonnie declared, “We’re assembling a real team and dubbed it the Mane Generation.” “We will battle this until these regulations are altered. And it’s not limited to the United Kingdom; it’s worldwide.
With over a quarter of a million followers, Farouk’s mother runs an Instagram account that highlights his life as a playful boy and child model.
But even with all the love and support he receives on the internet, they continue to get hate mail. Following her discussion of the family’s effort to find a school that will accept Farouk and his hair on the well-known U.K. TV morning show “This Morning,” Bonnie claimed she received a lot of harsh feedback.
Bonnie remarked in May of last year, “This is mental health week, so I’m surprised to be receiving lots of negative comments about Farouk’s hair.”
“Farouk does not keep his hair long at my request, but it is a God-given aspect of him, and he will not cut it to please anyone.”
Bonnie contends that since many schools forbid braids and dreadlocks, the dress codes for boys and girls in schools are antiquated and occasionally discriminatory.
The mother promises that she will never give up on getting acceptance for Farouk, his hair, and all the other kids who face prejudice for wishing to show their identity and cultural background.
Farouk’s hair is an integral part of who he is, and in 2022, it will not be acceptable for those entrusted with our children’s education to reject a child because of the color of their hair. These regulations ought to be outlawed.
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