I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along.Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
Preparing for the Impact of Hurricane Milton: Evacuation Areas & Essential Safety Measures
They have recommended that everyone in a household is familiar with the hurricane plans they’ve made. This may include catering for those at work, children’s daycare, and other frequently visited locations such as grocery stores.
Additionally, the government suggests that households should stock adequate supplies. Some recommended items are medications, disinfectants, and pet supplies that are carried in the go-bag or car trunk. Access to these supplies may be limited for days or even weeks after a hurricane.
Households also need to clear drains and gutters, secure outdoor furniture, and consider installing hurricane shutters. It is highly valuable to charge a cell phone and invest in backup charging devices for electronics when a hurricane is forecasted.
2. Stay Informed
In this step, it’s crucial for households to know if they live in an evacuation zone, listed at the end of this article, as they may need to evacuate quickly due to a hurricane. They should familiarize themselves with evacuation routes. They can also practice evacuating with their household and pets, and determine where they will stay.
Households should follow the guidance of local emergency managers, who collaborate with state, local, tribal, and territorial agencies. They will provide up-to-date recommendations based on the specific threats to your community and the necessary safety measures.
3. Check On Your Neighbors
Reach out to your neighbors, especially seniors or those who may require extra assistance, to ensure they have adequate hurricane plans in place. Offer your help in securing their preparations and provide support wherever needed.
4. Stay Out of Flood Water
Households should avoid entering floodwaters, as even six inches of fast-moving water can knock people off their feet. They should prioritize their safety and steer clear of any flooded areas.
5. Turn Around and Do Not Drown
People should be aware that just one foot of moving water can easily sweep away a vehicle. They should stay vigilant and avoid driving through flooded areas. Avoid walking, swimming, or driving through flood waters at all times. When encountering such a scenario, they should turn around.
6. Take Care of Your Mental Health
Lastly, individuals should prioritize their mental health during and after a hurricane. It’s important to acknowledge any feelings of anxiety or stress and seek support if needed. Connect with friends, family, or mental health professionals to discuss your concerns and find coping strategies.
Tampa Mayor Jane Castor has emphasized the need for households to pay attention to the evacuation zones as Hurricane Milton approaches Florida’s west coast. She warned the residents, “I can say without any dramatization whatsoever: If you choose to stay in one of those evacuation areas, you’re gonna die.”
Tampa is located in Hillsborough County. The region has listed compulsory evacuation orders for those in Zones A and B, as well as those who live in mobile homes. Tampa has urged residents of these areas to evacuate as Hurricane Milton is “literally catastrophic.”
Evacuation Zones
Charlotte County: It has issued a mandatory evacuation order for residents in Red Zone-A and Orange Zone-B, including those living in mobile and manufactured homes.
Citrus County: It has given a mandatory evacuation order that began on October 8, 2024, for all residents living in campers, tents, mobile homes, manufactured homes, or any structures unable to withstand sustained winds of up to 110 MPH.
Collier County: A voluntary precautionary evacuation is effective immediately for all residents in Collier County in Zones A and B. This includes west of Airport Pulling Road and south of US-41 Tamiami Trail E.
The order covers mobile home residents and areas with a history of storm flooding. A mandatory evacuation for all of Zones A and B began on October 8, 2024.
DeSoto County: It has issued evacuation orders for Zones A (Red) and B (Orange). These areas affect all residents living in mobile and manufactured homes, as well as those in low-lying or flood-prone areas.
Clay County: Currently, there are no mandatory evacuation orders, but residents in low-lying or flood-prone areas, especially along Black Creek or the St. Johns River, are strongly encouraged to consider relocating for safety.
Hardee County: On October 7, 2024, Hardee County Emergency Management advised residents in low-lying areas, mobile homes, recreational vehicles, and unsafe structures to evacuate as soon as possible.
Glades County: This county has implemented a voluntary evacuation for mobile homes, RV parks, and low-lying areas, which started on October 8, 2024.
Hillsborough County: This county has announced a mandatory evacuation for Evacuation Zones A and B, including all mobile homes and manufactured housing throughout the county, which started on October 7, 2024.
Hernando County: Mandatory evacuation orders for all areas west of US 19, including evacuation zones A, B, and C began on October 8, 2024. This includes all residents in coastal and low-lying areas, as well as those in manufactured homes countywide.
Levy County: A mandatory evacuation is in effect affecting all mobile homes, manufactured homes, recreational vehicle parks, coastal communities, and low-lying areas west of US 19. Hurricane risk shelters have opened at Bronson Elementary for special needs and Bronson Middle High School for general population/pet-friendly evacuations.
Lee County: It has issued mandatory evacuation orders for Zones A and B, urging residents to finalize emergency plans and evacuate as soon as possible. They should aim to be in a safe location by the evening of October 8, 2024.
Manatee County: This county has issued a mandatory evacuation for all residents in Levels A, B, and C, including visitors in RVs or mobile homes, effective October 7, 2024.
Marion County: The Marion County Sheriff’s Office Emergency Management officials have recommended evacuation for residents living in mobile homes, RVs, modular-type homes, and site-built homes constructed before 1994 due to the hurricane’s projected path.
Miami-Dade County: This county has announced a voluntary evacuation center for residents of mobile home parks, opening the E. Darwin Fuchs Pavilion on October 8, 2024, as a pet-friendly evacuation option.
Okeechobee County: A voluntary evacuation has been issued for all low-lying areas and mobile homes starting October 8, 2024.
Pasco County: This county has mandated evacuations for Zone C as the hurricane approaches. Evacuations are required for those in Zones A, B, or C, as well as residents in manufactured homes, RVs, low-lying areas, or structures prone to flooding.
Volusia County: A mandatory evacuation order took effect on October 9, 2024, for all areas east of the Intracoastal Waterway, including residents in manufactured and mobile homes, low-lying and flood-prone areas, as well as campsites and RV parks.
Sumter County: Residents in mobile homes, low-lying areas, or with special needs are strongly urged to consider evacuation or relocating to a shelter when they open.
Sarasota County: Residents in Sarasota County living in Level A or near Level A, as well as those in manufactured home communities or mobile/boat homes, are advised to implement their evacuation plans immediately, whether that involves staying with friends or leaving the area.
Pinellas County: Pinellas County has enacted a mandatory evacuation order for all residents in Zones A, B, and C, as well as all mobile homes. Special needs residents and residential healthcare facilities in these zones are also included in the evacuation order.
Putnam County: A recommended evacuation has been issued for Zones F and A due to concerns regarding high river levels.
Obeying the directives issued by local authorities and noting the evacuation zones ensures that families can evacuate safely and efficiently. This also allows emergency services to respond effectively to those in need.
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