Ho ho ho! Feeling festive? These Christmas jokes will have you laughing louder than Santa’s belly shake. Warning: excessive cheer, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!
Jingle all the way to laughter! Grab your eggnog and settle in for some holiday hilarity. These jokes are Santa-approved and guaranteed to make you laugh harder than your uncle after too much Christmas pudding.
Santa Claus laughing in the snow | Source: Midjourney
1. The Christmas Trap
Mike drummed his fingers on his desk, staring at his phone. His wife Janet gave him a knowing wink from across the room, already struggling to contain her laughter. Time for their annual Christmas scheme.
“Hey kiddo,” Mike said after his 20-year-old son picked up in Fairbanks, trying to sound devastated. “I hate to drop this bomb, but… your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so hard that his neighbor’s cat fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted those matching Christmas sweater photos!”
A shocked young man holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”
Ryan immediately called his sister Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in his panic. “Dad’s lost his mind! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”
“OVER MY DEAD BODY AND EVERY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT I OWN!” Ashley screeched, making her office plants wilt. She speed-dialed home. “Listen here, old man! Don’t you DARE sign anything! Ryan and I are flying home TONIGHT!”
A shocked woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Mike hung up and high-fived Janet, and both of them doubled over with laughter. “Works every year. Both kids coming home for Christmas. And they’re buying their own tickets!”
Janet wiped tears from her eyes. “Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving too?”
“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”
An older man with a wicked grin | Source: Midjourney
2. The Christmas Angel
Eleanor had been working in the Dead Letter Office for five years, but she’d never seen anything quite like this — an envelope addressed simply to “God” in shaky handwriting that looked like it had been written during an earthquake.
Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:
“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”
A lady postal services worker reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.
A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:
“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!
P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”
A cheerful older lady enjoying Christmas dinner with her friends | Source: Midjourney
3. North Pole Chaos
“Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the North Pole intercom, his voice cracking like ice in hot cocoa. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like a modern art exhibition!”
Santa rubbed his temples, watching the trainee elves turn teddy bears into abstract sculptures. Mrs. Claus chose that perfect moment to chirp, “Honey, Mother’s coming for Christmas! She’s bringing her entire fruitcake collection… even the one that set off the North Pole airport security!”
In the stables, Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, demanding premium carrots and heated stalls. Dancer was in labor (terrible timing), and Prancer had eloped with a local moose named Bruce who promised her a cabin in the woods.
Startled Santa Claus | Source: Midjourney
Santa trudged to load the sleigh, only to hear an ominous CRACK! The floor splintered like thin ice, sending toys scattering everywhere like confetti at a New Year’s party gone wrong.
Stumbling inside for coffee, he found the elves had replaced it with sugar-free hot chocolate with a tag that read: “It’s healthier, Boss!” The milk jug slipped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces that sparkled like evil little stars on the kitchen floor. The cleanup broom looked like it had been through a beaver party. Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
DING DONG!
Santa Claus holding a broom | Source: Midjourney
Santa yanked open the door, ready to cancel Christmas entirely. There stood a tiny angel, struggling under a massive Christmas tree that made her look like a sprite with an oversized umbrella.
“Special delivery!” she beamed, twinkling with festive cheer. “Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top, sporting slightly alarmed expressions and questioning their career choices.
An angel under a Christmas tree | Source: Midjourney
4. Heavenly Volume
Tommy and Jack were spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Rose’s house, famous for her legendary sugar cookies and selective hearing that rivaled military-grade noise-canceling technology.
At bedtime, Tommy (age 6) knelt beside his bed and began his strategic prayer:
“DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX…”
“AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT ACTUALLY BREATHES FIRE…”
“AND MAYBE A ROCKET SHIP WITH REAL ROCKET FUEL…”
A little boy praying | Source: Midjourney
Jack (age 8) nudged his brother, rolling his eyes. “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”
Tommy shot back with a mischievous grin that would make elves proud. “Yeah, but Grandma is doing her Christmas shopping tomorrow, and her hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”
A little boy looking up and laughing | Source: Midjourney
5. The Shopping Surprise
Linda lost track of her husband Dave at the crowded mall during last-minute Christmas shopping. After 20 minutes of searching between the endless sea of panic-buying shoppers, she called his cell.
“Dave, where on earth did you disappear to? The mall closes in an hour!”
“Honey,” his voice softened mysteriously, “remember that fancy jewelry store from our first Christmas together? The one where you fell in love with that stunning sapphire necklace, but we were so broke we could barely afford the window shopping?”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Linda’s heart fluttered, her anger melting faster than a snowman in July. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my god, Dave… you didn’t…”
“Well,” he paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door. They’re having a massive sale on gift bags! Three for a dollar! Want me to grab some?”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
6. The Carol Critic
“Hey Emma,” her little brother Charlie called from the doorway, munching on his third candy cane of the morning. “You should totally join the Christmas choir at school! They’re still accepting applications!”
14-year-old Emma stopped practicing her scales, hope blooming in her eyes. “Really? You actually like my singing? After all this time?”
“Nah,” Charlie grinned, revealing red and white striped teeth. “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”
A stunned teenage girl holding a songbook | Source: Midjourney
7. The Gift Switch
At the office Christmas party, Tom was bragging about the amazing gift he got his wife Sarah, waving his phone around with photos.
“Check it out, man. Diamond earrings! Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!”
His coworker Steve whistled, sipping his fourth cup of spiked eggnog. “But didn’t Sarah specifically ask for that new SUV? The one she’s been hinting about since last Christmas?”
“She did,” Tom smirked, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “But try finding a fake Ford Explorer that’ll fool your mother-in-law!”
A man holding a pair of earrings and laughing | Source: Midjourney
8. The Budget Tree
“Dad, pleeeease can we get a real Christmas tree this year?” little Jimmy begged for the hundredth time, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “I’m tired of explaining to my friends why our plastic tree smells like a basement and old tennis shoes!”
Frank grabbed his axe and wallet, sighing dramatically while secretly winking at his wife. “Fine. The things I do for Christmas spirit…”
He returned suspiciously quickly with a perfect tree, not a drop of sweat in sight.
A man holding an axe | Source: Midjourney
“That was fast,” Jimmy said, eyeing the pristine axe. “Did you even use it?”
“Nope!” Frank grinned proudly. “But the tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started examining the trees with it! Sometimes the best lumberjack is the one who never swings!”
A stunned boy | Source: Midjourney
9. The Biblical Bird
Three brothers — Richie, Steve, and Joe — gathered for their annual post-Christmas brag-fest about their gifts to their 80-year-old mother.
Richie puffed up his chest. “I built her a mansion with an elevator and a meditation room!”
Steve smirked, twirling his car keys. “Amateur. I bought her a Rolls-Royce with a personal chauffeur!”
Joe leaned back, sipping his cocoa. “You guys are so last season. Remember how Mom loves the Bible but can’t see well? I found this amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible on command. Took the church elders twelve years to train him. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse!”
A person in church holding a parrot | Source: Midjourney
Their mother’s thank-you notes arrived the next week:
“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I’m too old to remember which of the 7 bathrooms I left my glasses in.
Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver keeps falling asleep during my stories.
Dear Joe: The chicken was pretty small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”
Roasted chicken on the table | Source: Midjourney
10. The Window Shopping Incident
Karen spotted the perfect Christmas party dress sparkling in the store’s window display, guaranteed to make her the talk of the office party.
“Excuse me,” she called to a passing saleswoman. “Could I try on that gorgeous shimmery dress in the window? The one with the sequins?”
The saleswoman clutched her pearls, looking thoroughly scandalized. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing. This isn’t that kind of establishment!”
A dress displayed in a store | Source: Midjourney
11. The Santa Hotline
Sophie was driving her mom crazy with constant battles with her teenage sister Madison. The latest war was over borrowed (stolen) Christmas sweaters and who ate the last gingerbread cookie.
Mom had enough. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!”
She dialed her brother Bob, resident Santa impersonator extraordinaire. Sophie’s eyes grew huge as Mom detailed her crimes against sisterhood, including the Great Hair Dryer Incident of last Tuesday.
“Santa wants a word with you,” Mom handed over the phone, trying not to smirk as her master plan unfolded.
A smiling woman holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
Uncle Bob dropped his voice to subterranean levels. “Sophie, Sophie, Sophie… No presents for girls who torment their sisters. I’m watching! And yes, I saw you hide that cookie under your pillow!”
Sophie nodded solemnly through the lecture, then hung up with a suspicious gleam in her eye.
“Well?” Mom asked, expecting victory. “What did Santa say?”
Sophie shrugged, skipping away. “He said Madison’s getting coal this year. Apparently, she’s the real troublemaker. Also, he said you should check your own cookie stash, Mom!”
A little girl smiling | Source: Midjourney
And there you have it, folks! If these jokes made you laugh, share them faster than your relatives share embarrassing childhood stories at Christmas dinner! Keep spreading the holiday cheer with these 10 More Best Christmas Jokes. Ho ho ho!
Cheerful Santa Claus laughing | Source: Midjourney
Why Serena Williams Was Denied Entry to a Paris Restaurant—Find Out the Shocking Details
Serena Williams is involved in a controversy after she was denied entry to a restaurant in Paris. This incident has sparked an online debate, with some people saying the tennis star “deserves” this treatment.
This event is part of the eight biggest controversies that have surrounded the 2024 Paris Olympics. The Paris 2024 Olympics have had their share of drama, with several incidents attracting global attention. One of these moments involved Serena Williams being turned away from a restaurant in Paris, leading to a lot of reactions online.
This situation is just one of many high-profile scandals that have affected the Olympic Games. It is among eight controversies that have ignited discussions and taken over headlines around the world.
Source: Getty Images
Serena Williams expressed her frustration on August 5, 2024, after being denied entry to a luxury hotel’s rooftop restaurant in Paris.
The tennis star, who recently served as a torchbearer at the Olympics opening ceremony, posted on X, “Yikes @peninsulaparis I’ve been denied access to rooftop to eat in an empty restaurant of nicer places but never with my kids. Always a first. #Olympic2024.”
In response to Williams’ complaint, the restaurant apologized for her disappointment. They explained, “Unfortunately, our rooftop bar was fully booked, and the only empty tables you saw belonged to our gourmet restaurant, L’Oiseau Blanc, which was also fully reserved.”
The restaurant highlighted that they have always been pleased to welcome Williams and are ready to do so again in the future.
Many online users sided with the restaurant, saying that Williams should have made a reservation like everyone else. One user remarked, “She deserves the same treatment as anyone else. Quit being a celebrity worshiper.”
Another user agreed, saying, “She deserves the same treatment as the rest of us; maybe next time she’ll book a table.” Some users were more critical, stating, “Don’t apologize to this infantile person! She deserves a Happy Meal, nothing more!”
Others asked Williams sarcastically, “Oh no, they treated you like one of the common folk?! Did you tell them who you are?” Another noted, “Why upset? This is their policy. Equal for everyone.”
One person complained that anyone who defends this behavior is just as entitled, saying, “Imagine if you’re getting surgery in an hour and the best surgeon is told to drop you for someone wealthier—what then?”
Another user told Serena Williams to apologize to the restaurant for her behavior, saying, “So you just expected someone else to lose their seat because you are Serena. Sorry, your privilege card doesn’t work everywhere.”
A user pointed out that Williams was not denied entry since the restaurant was booked. They added that if she lost a table to someone more famous, she would have been upset, too.
“These could have been anniversary dinners or proposals or people saving for a year to eat there—come on. Hurting their revenue is not cool,” explained the user.
Thus, many social media users supported the restaurant, criticizing Williams for not making a reservation and accusing her of entitlement.
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes Criticized for Being ‘Irritating’ in the Stands
Hollywood stars Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes, usually private, drew attention during their recent visit to the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris with their rarely-seen kids. Their style and accessories caught the eyes of many online.
On August 4, the couple was seen at the dressage individual Grand Prix freestyle at the Château de Versailles. Gosling wore a plaid red shirt, a white Paris 2024 cap, and dark sunglasses.
Later, the couple attended the women’s uneven bars final at Bercy Stadium with their daughters, Esmeralda and Amada, who wore a yellow dress and a white sweater.
At the stadium, Gosling and Mendes wore the same sunglasses and outfits as before. However, Gosling changed his white cap for a green Olympic hat, while Mendes did not wear any headgear.
Despite their attempts to blend in, their choice of accessories drew criticism. “The sunglasses. Why do ‘celebrities’ do this? It’s especially irritating during interviews,” a critic commented.
“Why are they wearing sunglasses inside?” another questioned. “Was this event outside? If not, they look ridiculous,” one noted. “If you’re trying to be incognito, take your sunglasses off when inside watching gymnastics,” another exclaimed.
Someone criticized Mendes, suggesting she tried to “stand out” and expressed annoyance that “celebrities are the best things.”
While some fans were frustrated, others made jokes about the situation. “Are the sunglasses supposed to keep them incognito? Don’t think it worked,” one remarked, while another said, “The sun must have been blazing inside there in France.”
Additionally, the online community commented on Mendes’ lips. “What’s with her lips?” a user wondered. “Just a little more filler in the lips, Eva,” noted one, while another suggested, “Eva needs to lay off the lip filler.”
Despite the criticisms, some fans defended the couple and expressed their admiration. One declared, “Hottest couple award!” and another said, “So glad for them, cute couple!”
Despite mixed reactions to their Olympic outing with their kids, they seem to be enjoying their time in Paris. The couple is taking in the events, making rare public appearances together, and focusing on family.
Candace Cameron Bure Criticizes Paris Olympics Opening Ceremony for Mocking Christian Faith
The 2024 Paris Olympics opening ceremony is facing backlash on social media, including criticism from actress Candace Cameron Bure.
She shared her disappointment in an Instagram video, claiming the ceremony mocked Christian beliefs by portraying something similar to Leonardo da Vinci’s “The Last Supper.”
In the clip, Bure explained she was hesitant to comment on the opening ceremony to avoid becoming a headline, but the issue was too important to ignore.
Bure mentioned her connection to the Olympics, noting that her husband, brother-in-law, and father-in-law are all Olympic medalists and love the Games. She fondly recalled watching marathoners during the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics as a child.
Reflecting on this year’s Olympics, she said, “To watch such a wonderful event over the next two weeks and see the opening ceremonies mock the Christian faith was disgusting. It made me sad.”
Bure said someone told her not to feel sad but to focus on being angry instead. She stated, “Trust me, it makes me mad, but I’m sad for souls.”
Bure’s statement came after the Olympic Games explained the opening ceremony’s meaning on X, formerly Twitter. They said, “The interpretation of the Greek God Dionysus makes us aware of the absurdity of violence between humans.”
After this clarification, Bure stated that many have tried to “correct” her views. However, she argued that Dionysus was “a god of lust, insanity, and ritual madness.”
Though the real interpretation has been explained, Bure remains unconvinced. “I still don’t see how that relates to uniting the world through competitive sports or is acceptable for children to watch. In any case, I’m not buying it,” she said.
Lady Gaga Announces Engagement – Users Say He ‘Lowers Her Status’ with His Look
Lady Gaga recently got engaged to her longtime love and entrepreneur Michael Polansky! The singer shared this exciting news during the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris, prompting various reactions from fans and critics.
Gaga revealed her engagement with Polansky at the Paris Olympics. The announcement came during an intimate moment with French Prime Minister Gabriel Attal, who posted a TikTok video showing Gaga introducing Polansky as “my fiancé.”
After the announcement, fans flooded social media with congratulatory messages. One wrote, “She was awesome, and congratulations on your engagement. You deserve to be happy.”
Another said, “Gaga is engaged,” while a surprised fan exclaimed, “OMG THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED!!?? This is so special I’m so happy and proud.” A longtime observer of Gaga’s love life added, “Oh boy, it’s her 3rd engagement. Hope this is the one.”
However, not all reactions were positive. Critics questioned Polansky’s suitability, with one remarking, “She’s too pretty to be with him .” Another criticized, “You’re so iconic and then have a boyfriend like this?! With no fashion sense—who is she kidding?”
Another skeptic added, “Her boyfriend makes her look really bad and lowers her status. Is she okay?” Amidst the mixed reactions, some fans defended the couple, saying, “There’s something special she sees in him that we don’t.”
Gaga sparked engagement rumors back in April when fans noticed a stunning new diamond ring on her left hand.
This eye-catching ring led to speculation about an engagement, especially since the multi-Grammy winner has been dating Polansky since 2019.
Even as their love blossoms, the couple has faced breakup rumors. In March 2023, reports claimed that Gaga and Polansky had split due to differences over marriage and children.
Despite these claims, a source close to the couple said their split was friendly, and they remained friends. But just when it seemed like their relationship was over, Gaga and Polansky made a public comeback.
Online Users Question Snoop Dogg as 2024 Olympic Torchbearer
American rapper Snoop Dogg surprised many as a torchbearer for the 2024 Olympic Games opening ceremony. While some disapproved of his role, the star shared his view on why he was chosen for the honor.
The 2024 Olympic Games began on July 26, 2024, in Paris, France. The event kicked off with over 10,000 athletes gathering on boats on the River Seine for the opening ceremony.
Before the event, it was announced that a well-known hip-hop icon would carry the Olympic torch for its last leg.
Snoop fulfilled his duty by marking the 67th leg of the torch’s journey before the Eiffel Tower. He was joined by other entertainers, including French rapper MC Solaar and French actress Laetitia Casta.
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