Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
How I Eliminated Age Spots with a Simple Kitchen Ingredient: Baking Soda
Are age spots affecting your self-confidence? Don’t worry—there’s a simple, budget-friendly solution right in your kitchen. The secret weapon? Baking soda, a versatile staple that can do wonders for your skin!
Baking soda, or sodium bicarbonate, is an effective exfoliant that helps slough off dead skin cells, gradually fading age spots over time. Its alkaline properties also aid in balancing your skin’s pH, promoting overall skin health.
Here are two easy ways to use baking soda for lightening age spots:
Method 1: Simple Baking Soda Paste
Ingredients:
- 2 teaspoons of baking soda
- Water (just enough to form a paste)
Instructions:
- Mix the baking soda with a little water in a bowl until you get a thick paste.
- Gently apply the paste to your age spots using your fingertips. Avoid excessive scrubbing.
- Let it sit for about 5 minutes. If you have sensitive skin, limit this to 2-3 minutes.
- Rinse with lukewarm water and pat your skin dry.
- Follow up with a moisturizer to keep your skin hydrated.
- Use this treatment 2-3 times a week, adjusting based on how your skin reacts.
Method 2: Baking Soda and Lemon Juice
Ingredients:
- 2 teaspoons of baking soda
- 1 teaspoon of fresh lemon juice
Instructions:
- Combine the baking soda and lemon juice in a bowl. A slight fizzing reaction is normal!
- After the fizzing subsides, gently apply the mixture to the age spots using a cotton swab or your fingers.
- Leave it on for no more than 5 minutes—lemon juice can make your skin more sensitive to light.
- Rinse thoroughly with lukewarm water and apply moisturizer.
- If you’re going outside, be sure to use sunscreen, as lemon juice can heighten your skin’s sensitivity to UV rays.
- Use this treatment once a week, and keep an eye on how your skin responds.
Important Precautions:
- Always do a patch test before applying a new treatment to a larger area.
- Baking soda can make your skin more sensitive to sunlight, so don’t forget to wear sunscreen.
- Avoid overusing baking soda, as it can strip your skin of essential oils, leading to dryness or irritation.
Using baking soda is an easy and affordable way to address age spots, but results may vary. For more stubborn skin issues or if you’re looking for significant changes, consider consulting a dermatologist. Embrace your skin and take pride in your natural beauty!
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